Entitled Husband Spills the Beans About Wife's Surprise Birthday Party, Then Asks Her to Help Clean and Cook: 'The final straw came when he carried out a cake in a flavor that he loved'

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    r/AITAH ⚫ 11 hr. ago • External-Top-6912 Aitah for wanting to divorce my husband over a birthday party and cake?
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    Throwaway account, as my husband and his family know my main one. I (40f) have been married to my husband Sam (41m) for 10 years. We have four children (22,16,14 and 11) and up until the last few months, I genuinely thought that we could work through anything. This is not
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    the only situation that has happened in the last few years, just the one that finally broke me. I recently had a birthday and Sam planned a surpise birthday party for me. He spilled the beans to me 3 days before the party and I thought it was adorable
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    that he was so excited about the party that he couldn't contain himself. I wish this was the case, instead he told me that I needed to help him clean the house to get it ready for my party. Yes, you read that right, I needed to prepare food and set the house for my own party.
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    I agreed to clean to keep the peace, but was upset. The day of the party quickly came and I was devastated to learn that he didn't invite most of my friends or family. He claimed that he didn't know how to contact them. The final straw came when he carried out a cake in a flavor that he loved, nothing that I would
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    ever chose for myself. I barely managed to keep it in and cried in the bathroom after everyone left. I feel like an afterthought and hated listening to everyone compliment him for throwing me a party. I work two jobs,take
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    care of the kids, do all of the meal planning, grocery shopping and most of the housework. I am exhausted and just wanted to feel appreciated for a day. AITA for considering divorce because | feel he doesn't care? I just can't imagine throwing away 10 years of marriage, but I feel broken.
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    Realistic-Animator-3 • 11h ago The reason for your divorce isn't a cake or the party. It's his self centeredness. He decided to throw a party. The reason he gave his guests was your birthday but it was for himself. He wasn't excited about the party and told you early, he needed you to clean and organize everything for it. He only invited his friends and family. Ten plus years in and he can't contact your friends and family. He bought his favorite cake. He took all of the accolades and credit. Yo
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    Old Beach2325 • 12h ago NTA tell him "I hope you enjoyed your birthday party, now I don't have to throw you one when it's your birthday"
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    TheRadiumGirl • 12h ago NTA . I get it. You want to feel seen. After 10 years, you deserve a partner that sees you, knows what's important to you, values you and actually shows it.
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    canuckleheadiam 11h ago • Don't think of divorce as throwing away 10 years of marriage... think of it as not wasting any more years on a man who doesn't really seem to care much about you. NTA
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    Peanutsandcheese2021 • . 11h ago Edited 10h ago This was your 40th, so a big one and he blew it big time. Did he even know what kind of cake you like? And he told you In time so you could help him clean. So happy to blow the surprise for that but not to ask for contact info for your friends. I think you should organise a night out with your friends for your birthday. The ones he didn't invite. Then order your fav cake and bring
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    it to the bar that you start the night in and have drinks cake and a husband free birthday! Oh and by night out I mean in another city so it's an overnight away! He can look after the kids. Start celebrating yourself if he won't!
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    Amazing_Reality2980 . • 11h ago Edited 11h ago NTA sounds like this is an ongoing issue that reflects that he's just selfish and self centered. If he didn't even invite your friends and family, then he actually threw himself a party. Maybe trying marriage counseling first might help you save it, but it's understandable if your husband is always this selfish that you've had enough.
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    angel9_writes . 11h ago WTAF I don't think he 'planned' anything. Almost sounds like he went oh I don't know what do for her birthday, I'll lie about a surprise and make her do all the work. ΝΤΑ
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    Beneficial_Bread2815 • 12h ago Yall really be out here marrying men that don't like yall. You should've not married him in the first place.
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    . wakingdreamland • 11h ago NTA. It'll hurt, but long term, you're better off without him. Find someone who will clean the house, care about your friends, and knows what kind of cake to get you.
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    Egbert_64 • 11h ago He should have gotten the kids involved to plan and prepare for it. They should have done the cooking and cleaning. They would have known what cake to buy. Sigh. He is not very thoughtful. You need to be honest and speak with him.
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    BrotatochipDG ⚫11h ago This is exactly what my parent's marriage was like for over 20 years... they are both infinitely happier divorced. Seeing my mom free of my dad's treatment of her and watching her healing journey healed something in me, too. Get out and don't look back. There are so many avenues you can take to reach your happiness, but waiting and hoping he'll become a more attentive, less self centered person is not one of them.
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    Confident-Listen3515 11h ago • Keeping the peace is not real. You were not at peace. You were taking the hit for your husband.
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